Hannah Montana The Game

The Xbox 360 Achievement system and latterly, the PS3’s trophy system have created a whole new reason to play games that you wouldn’t normally go near. Sure, deep down the achievement and trophy whore knows that it’s pointless, and one day their gamerscore or trophy count won’t matter. But arguably, games don’t matter in the long run. It’s the fun you gain in playing them that matters. If having more points than your friends is fun to you, then that’s fine. I’m certainly not going to dictate what should be deemed fun to people, especially not as I must admit to being an achievement whore. A big one at that. I’ve played many games that I would never have played if it wasn’t for the fact they offer ‘easy’ points, and I’ve enjoyed 99% of them. I would never have considered playing Open Season for example, but despite being childish, I really quite enjoyed it. I don’t plan on justifying my achievement whoring, I don’t see why I need to. The fact I enjoy it is enough for me regardless of what others may think. However this hobby is what brought me to a game that ordinarily I would never in a million years play. And by the end of my four or so hours of it, I was reminded why I would never normally play such a….monstrosity. The game in question? Hannah Montana: The Movie.

Yeah I know, I was bound to not like it really. But you see, I played the High School Musical: Senior Year Dance game a few months ago and I enjoyed it. It was actually good fun and I was amazed at how much fun it was. If there was ever another one, I’d snap it up in a shot. Well, rent it in a shot. But Hannah Montana is not like that, instead it is absolutely abominable. The worst game I’ve played in years, in fact possibly ever. But certainly in many years. To play, Hannah Montana combines a pseudo rhythm dance game with wandering around in the third person collecting up bits and pieces to progress the story. A few things quickly become apparent. When walking about collecting these things, you can’t run. As well as that Hannah despite being stick insect thin, appears to get stuck on absolutely every obstacle possible meaning you have to give a wide berth to pretty much everything in the game at all times. As well as that, you can’t skip any of the cut scenes. The cut scenes are cringe worthy, using the very basic graphics that the game provides (think Sims 1 on an old PC and you’re about right) to illustrate the action. Why Disney couldn’t have provided some FMV sequences of the film is anyone’s guess, but it’s pretty bad. The one concession I can offer in my review is the rhythm action elements of the game. They’re dull (nothing compared to High School Musical which was fun, honest!) but they’re quite simple and in comparison to the rest of the game, quite respectable. Other than that, ugh. Oh I forgot to mention the horse riding mini game, which is incredibly clunky and, again, has awful collision detection.

The real crime for Hannah Montana, is that I have no doubt that somewhere a young girl is being given this game as her first ever video game. She will play it and think that’s all that gaming can offer her, and she will never play a real game, at least not for a number of years, but it could well put her off gaming for life. She’ll miss out on so many classics, all because of some lazy game developer deciding to be patronising to girls and not bothering to give them a good game. As you can tell, I was not enamoured with Hannah Montana one bit. The only reason why anyone should ever pay money for such a game is so that they can burn it. Simple as that.

QVs – Hannah Montana: The Movie
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