Frustration

Sometimes I feel extremely frustrated with myself. I manage to be interested in way too much so I never quite settle to anything which probably means I never quite achieve anything.
I feel like I could achieve a lot if I set my mind to it even with my fairly uninspiring degree and my half completed Msc (don’t talk about that, long, long and crappy story which for once wasn’t my fault, but the University’s).
But I don’t settle and I think I need to, to get anywhere.

I came in from work feeling creative, yet now I can’t decide whether to have a mess around with photoshop, 3d studio max or maybe even get round to doing my Mum’s website that I promised her far too long ago.
I sort of blame the minute attention span that I have. The problem is I want to learn everything…….and I’m not exaggerating either. I’m the same with books, I never get round to finishing one these days because there’s so many I want to read that I move onto the next.

Back to the subject at hand, despite knowing that this is what every games fan thinks, I feel like I should do something within the industry. I suspect my best talents would lie at writing, and again I have so many thoughts, it’s quite hard to tame them at times.

Everything I remember of growing up has a game associated to it…….it sounds cliched but it’s true.

When I was probably only about 5, my parents got me an LCD Sonic the Hedgehog game as they couldn’t afford a Master System and I remember sitting under the Christmas tree playing it obsessively for hours.
I got a Commodore 64 the year after and along came the memories of Flimbo’s Quest, Fiendish Freddy’s Circus, Klax and International Soccer. And the tapes, the lovely tapes that took seemingly hours to load and even then you weren’t guaranteed that the games would load. Yet to get to play Lords of Midnight or Football Manager, it was worth it. Provided you had plenty of time to wait for them of course.
I loved trying to make games in BASIC too, I was addicted to text based adventure games so I tried making my own. When I was about 7 or 8 my family visited my ill grandmother a lot so I couldn’t play on my beloved C64 so I’d sit there with a notebook and start writing out BASIC code……it worked too once I got home. They were crap games but that was the extent of my love of games. My great Uncle was very intrigued by it, I remember.
As I grew up, along did the love and the amount of games I could play. My Grandmother became more ill so we spent a huge amount of time staying there and I befriended the boy next door, he had a Mega Drive with loads of games. I’d never played one before but we spent hours playing Sonic 1-3, Sensible Soccer, Street Fighter 2 and Streets of Rage 1-2. The day my Grandmother died, I spent all day and evening round there to avoid the happenings next door, so somehow my memories of her death are mainly Sonic 3 related.

When she died, she left my Mum some money and she decided to buy me a Sega Megadrive with some of it. I still remember going to the Toys R Us as clear as day and the excitement of it all, we were only going to look originally. But I left, with the Mega Games Collection (Columns, Super Hang On and World Cup Italia 90) and the creme de la creme, Sonic 2.

It just goes on and on, summers full of Goldeneye and Perfect Dark. Winters full of Final Fantasy VII (the memories for FF7 alone are vast, I could quite confidently say that game made me go from liking games to being a games fanatic) and breeding chocobos. My first boyfriend is linked to Everquest and Soldier of Fortune, and my ex Knights of the Old Republic as I’d got it the day he started pestering me on MSN and I wanted to play the game more than talk to some bloke, subsequently it was World of Warcraft as we played it together. And he was the one who introduced me to the X-Box as I was never interested in Microsoft consoles at the time.

Some of the traumatic events for relatives of mine are intertwined with memories of me getting my PS1 thanks to Halifax becoming a bank and giving me a load of shares (well my Dad as I was a kid at the time), I was sitting there in their lounge not quite realising the severity of the situation, just wanting to go play Discworld on the PS1.
Then my Uncle bought a gameboy with Super Mario Land 2 (I only had the first one, the second one was way better), then got slightly addicted to Tomb Raider games so I got to play them all.
That’s forgetting the BBQ I went to that the older brother of a friend introduced me to Tomb Raider and Wipeout.

So, yeah, amazing what a part of life they’ve become for me. Sometimes I wonder if it was all a waste of time but I don’t know. They seem to be the only thing that can tame my attention span.

I’ll let you know when I decide if that’s a good thing or not.

1 thought on “Frustration

  1. NokkonWud

    Wow, that’s fantastic :D. I can pretty much link almost everything to games and I too, like yourself have everything growing up relating to games, even now as I sit waiting for graduation to pick up my BA degree for Games Design.

    It’s scary.

    I’m gonna have to update my Blog and I’ll write something similar (though with my stories… not yours… otherwise it would just be freaky…)

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