The human brain is amazingly resilient in a way that no one really realises until they’re under a huge amount of stress. Despite the various thoughts going through it, it keeps going. It keeps the fears and worries and the general upset hidden away beneath a wave of nonsense. It’ll keep busy with other things, constantly at work to ensure it doesn’t have to stop and realise whatever it needs to realise.
Every now and then it fails. Maybe the brain gets too tired, too exhausted from trying to put the front on all the time, or maybe it’s just the brain’s way of saying you need to face up to it even if only briefly.
Tonight was that night for my brain. I’ve kept exceptionally busy for, well, a long time. Every now and then my brain gives in, it’s done it a few times of late with far too many anniversaries commencing in March and April. Tonight it did over a relatively minor thing, or at least something I could have blocked out until nearer the time. Namely that I’ve got to work the day before the anniversary of my Dad’s death despite having booked the time off. I’m guessing I booked it off too late and as I didn’t tell anyone why I needed the day off, I missed out. I think the denial section of my brain reached full capacity so all the fears and worries had to come flooding out.
This wasn’t ideal, especially not as it was shortly after I’d put dinner in the oven. Dinner was hardly eaten and a lot of the evening vanished into thin air mostly involving tears and staring into space alongside my Mum who was doing much the same. Oh and the cat was concerned so sat on me for the duration.
Shame really, the rest of the day hadn’t gone too badly.
Tomorrow I’m off to visit my Dad’s side of the family: my Aunt, Uncle, cousins and Grandmother, for the day. It’s going to be tough.