I finally had a decent-ish night’s sleep last night after over a week of nightmares waking me up regularly and making me feel physically rested yet mentally wrecked.
Over the course of the week I’d suffered many, many nightmares, almost all bordering on flashbacks. At first it was mostly just dreams of seeing my Dad die nearly 2 years ago. I thought I’d got through the flashback stage but it seems it’s returned for a (hopefully) short while. My imagination shifted after the first few days and the dreams turned into a mixture of all of my fears. Being trapped, being alone, a few dreams that were clearly based on my days of being bullied at school (nearly 20 years ago now!).
By about Thursday night I’d given in hoping for sleep. I mostly spent my mornings analysing what had happened in the dream and what fear it was focusing on. It made me feel terribly insecure during the day. Spending each night facing your fears does I guess.
Nothing seemed to fix my lack of sleep. I tried reading until my eyes couldn’t stay open, I tried relaxing as much as possible with no TV or book to entertain me before sleeping, I tried avoiding difficult to digest food anywhere near before bed. Nothing worked. I hoped that after a shift at work I’d be tired enough to just sleep. Nope.
Last night I finally just slept. I woke up a few times in the night but not due to nightmares. I didn’t feel rested this morning. Instead I felt like someone who had just managed to have a glimpse of what they’d been missing all week. I figure it’ll take a few more good nights till I feel refreshed and human again. I still feel insecure too. All the fears and worries that have hit me over the past week are still at the front of my mind a little too much for my liking.
Will nightmareless sleep happen again tonight? Who knows. I hope so!