Blog a Day 47of365: Snapping

I like to think I’m quite a calm person. I might be a slight neurotic mess on the inside (who isn’t?) but on the outside I think I can stay quite calm and collected. That is until something makes me explode. Then I think all the stress that’s been building up for months, explodes into something rather overdramatic.

That happened today. Today wasn’t going very well anyhow. I woke up feeling lousy and below par with a sore throat and a headache. Not quite a ‘proper’ virus, but enough to make me feel rubbish. Also enough to make me not in the mood for human interaction or any work. Unfortunate considering I had things to do and things that I normally enjoy doing. Namely write my fortnightly Rumor Killers column.

I settled down to it but the words weren’t really flowing. I don’t usually leave things till the last minute but I’ve found this column works best at the last minute as news changes so fast and within a few hours, a rumor can be dispelled or be announced as fact thus ruining my work. I knuckled down though and the words began to flow quite well. Very well in fact. Then the laptop died. There was no sign of it coming, the light just went out and that was it. I think maybe the laptop battery had become ever so slightly loose. I’m not sure. Regardless of that, everything was lost. I was a fool and forgot to save regularly, mainly because things were flowing so well that I didn’t want to stop typing.

In a matter of seconds, 4 hours worth of research and writing had gone. Unlike reviews, I find Rumor Killers takes a while to write. Figuring out the analytical process to follow and all that. Luckily I usually really enjoy writing it. But this time round, it was a bit of a struggle. I really didn’t need it being lost like that.

I was somewhat stunned at first. I think my emotions were confused. Do I cry, do I smash something to pieces or do I just scream. In the end I went for crying and shutting myself away in a darkened room. I snapped a little bit too much, had a whiney rant at a few people on Twitter then resigned myself to starting again. The stubborn part of me refuses to let a stupid computer win.

Oh and I ate quite a large bar of chocolate, with no remorse or guilt whatsoever. If ever a moment called for chocolate, this was it.

I’m done with Rumor Killers for the day now. I’ve written what I can and sent it off for my editor to read through. I’m not convinced if it’s as good as the first draft but we’ll see. I don’t like snapping, it’s such an excessive waste of emotion.