Blog a Day 356of365: Feeling sombre

I was going to write about how going into Tesco today was surprisingly not as bad as I thought it would be. Or about how I finished Aliens vs. Predator this morning and while it was ok, it wasn’t great and felt like a sorely missed opportunity. Actually I might write about that another day. For now though, my brain feels distracted.

Yeah, sorry, it’s going to be a sad entry for me today.

Last week, a good friend of mine’s Dad died and his funeral is tomorrow. Terribly sad, brought back many memories of my Dad dying.

It’s Christmas at the end of the week. I’m starting to feel very on edge about it all as it’s tough to do with just me and my Mum. It’ll be fun on the day but the build up is tense. Putting up the Christmas tree at the weekend reinforced this hugely.

Earlier today, I found out that an old workmate of mine’s Dad died suddenly this morning. My old workmate’s only 22 so his Dad really can’t be old at all. I was 23 when my Dad died so it all feels rather close to home. It reminds me how raw some wounds are.

I’m still never that sure how well I’m dealing with it all. The fact that time is ever ticking away yet things can catch me so easily or I realise I’m reacting very differently to something compared to how I used to be. I think I deal with things ok but think is the operative word. There’s no guarantee of it. I worry that bottling things up so that I can function easily is perhaps not ideal but then it’s what I’ve always done so…

I guess it’s the old text book ‘there is no correct way of dealing with these things’ thing.

Friends seem to think I’m doing ok, and others in similar positions seem to feel the same way as me so…

Who knows, I guess only time will tell. But then again life isn’t a rehearsal…..still, I think I’m doing ok. I just wonder if I could do better. Or maybe I’m just an impatient perfectionist. Could be that too.