When I was a kid I had to walk five miles in the snow barefoot to get anywhere. Nah I didn’t really, it’s just that starting any sentence with ‘When I was a kid’ makes me want to say something like that. Seriously though, when I was a kid I was a big football fan.
I was a big nerd too so this meant that while I loved playing football, I was very, very bad at it. I played for an all girls team for a time when I was about 9 or 10. Some of them weren’t bad at the sport either. I wasn’t one of them. I played in two positions – right back and goalie.
I started as a right back. I had the stamina and speed of a tortoise. A sickly tortoise at that. I couldn’t tackle. I could pass vaguely well. Plus, the adult coach accidentally kicked a ball in my face and thus I was scared of the ball from then on. Because, you know, it hurt.
As I had no stamina, they switched me to goalie. Not sure why, what with the fear of balls flying at my head and all. You can imagine how well that went.
I had fun anyway. I always wanted to be Gary Lineker and then Alan Shearer. As I was crap and female, this wasn’t really going to happen.
As I couldn’t actually play football very well, I switched to absorbing all the information possible to do with the sport. For a time I was obsessed with Manchester United. I knew everything possible about the Munich Air Crash for instance. Plus I knew all about the team of my time, around 93-94.
I loved the sticker albums of the time too, trying to get every sticker possible. It’s no wonder that I’m a hoarder now who achievement whored for ages, it was clearly there even when I was young.
Now, I’m a bit out of touch with football. I keep a vague eye on the Premier League and the Championship. I watch the England internationals and all the World Cup and European Championship games. I don’t support a team any more.
I do however still play FIFA. I remember when FIFA was the only half decent option despite being a bit crap, then ISS came along and blew it out of the water. Then PES, and then FIFA suddenly turned good again.
This year is my first year of trying out Ultimate Team and I can see why it’s so addictive. It’s got that same mentality of sticker albums but with a game thrown in. If it wasn’t for some precious willpower, I’d be doomed. As it is I’m pretty sure I’m doomed anyhow. It’s really rather compelling. And I haven’t even played a match yet! I just want the perfect team, damnit.