Job hunting is intensely disheartening, much the same as going to a job you desperately want to leave is.
I woke up dreading going to work this afternoon, a feeling that I absolutely hate. So I took an hour out of writing this morning to conduct a really solid online job hunt hoping to find at least one job that I could apply to. I figured if I found something, it’d give me a little hope.
I couldn’t find anything so instead I feel quite fed up. I’ve effectively wasted that hour which means I’ve got to furiously write once more. I think perhaps the most annoying part of all of this is that I work bloody hard. Yet I don’t get paid for 90% of it. Of course, I do love it. But that’s not to say a bit more money wouldn’t go amiss.
I’m fortunate that I have very few outgoings which again is perhaps even more frustrating. A very small sum of consistent money would make everything go right for a bit but it’s not to be yet.
It does feel a bit of a vicious circle though. If I’m so stressed over the day job, it means I have less time and energy to focus on pitching which then means less chance of making money which means less chance of leaving the day job. Annoying, eh?
The rebellious side of me really, really wants to just say sod it and hand my notice in. I’d be able to afford to live for a month or so if I was careful. But what would happen after that month if I’d miscalculated and couldn’t find something else? That’s what keeps me there.
It’s a bugger. I sorely wish I was the carefree me once more but that’s a silly wish to have really as it’s nonsense.