Sometimes I look at what I’m doing and I worry. I worry that I’m barking up the wrong tree and don’t stand a chance of achieving my ambitions. I’ve had a few people say I’m good enough but I guess it’s hard to see it in yourself. Bizarrely though it requires a lot of self belief to keep trying so I guess I do have that drive really.
Days like these though I can’t help but look and ponder just whether I’ll ever make it. Whether I’m good enough to make it for one thing.
Living in the ‘wrong’ area of the country hardly helps matters and there’s not much I can do about that at the moment. I suspect an internship/work experience for a week or two would probably help me a treat but that’s a bit of a logistical quandary. I need money, somewhere to stay, oh and the opportunity with a site or magazine! I reckon I could probably find somewhere to stay at a push in Bristol which might be near enough to Bath but there’s still the other issues to bear in mind.
It’s an awkward one and I’m clearly desperate to be in a profession that requires a lot of blind faith until presumably you either make it or you give up.
As it stands though I guess I should just turn my brain off. Or at least slow it down on days like this. Worrying about what may or may not be is never really a great idea. Nor is dwelling on negative matters. Pity my brain doesn’t seem to accept that!
For now though, I’ll force my brain to shut up, have a relaxing evening and keep doing what I’m doing. At least until next time the doubts rear their ugly head!